Saturday, May 19, 2007

Gardening Tips for Hubby's

I was noticing today how my DS (Dear Spouse) always seems happier and more fulfilled when he has a "project" going. My dad is the same way, although at 91 his "projects" now consist of trying to keep the foxes from using his back yard as a diner and duct-taping everything he wants to remain in place. Today's "DS Project" is removing border bricks from around a berm where I don't like them, to a new shrub border (I usually prefer the more natural look). He has quite a few left over so hard telling where they might turn up. While taking a break I realized that he could publish a book of gardening "how to's" for hubbies. It could include:

  • Line everything with bricks so you can tell where the lawn stops and a garden begins.
  • When planting flowers make sure that every plant is evenly spaced and lines up in straight rows.
  • It's fun to play in the mud. Just make sure when you do that you leave plenty of muddy hand prints on everything in sight in case your wife needs to find you to tell you that lunch is ready. She will especially be looking for your clues all over her recently-cleaned garden bench. Oh... and remember to leave your gloves on the kitchen island. After all, we need to eat more fiber.
  • Never look where you are stepping. Some plants really do like to grow horizontally.
  • When dressing for gardening chores be sure to wear your shortest t-shirt and baggiest shorts. The neighbors and passersby loved being mooned, and heaven knows that area could use a good tan.
  • If you are going to do any fence painting or repair be sure to wait until the plants in front of the fence are well along in their growing season. Your wife loves any excuse to go plant shopping.
  • When something goes wrong be sure to curse in a loud, clear voice so that you can educate the neighborbood children at the same time. (Heaven only knows, ours need something to do other than whine and cry all the time.)
  • Always leave your tools, especially rakes, with the tines up so that you will remember where they are when you step on them. And you get extra points if your wife happens to come along.

Well, that should get any DS started out right. Actually, my hubby is a real sweetie and I don't know what I would do without him. He is always so tolerant of my latest hairbrained schemes to cover up the view of the neighbors noisy kids and horrible backyard, which drives me crazy. And thank goodness he has a sense of humor... don't you Dear?


Bek said...

Thanks for the good laugh!!

ann said...

Bev, that's too funny! My hubby's right on track.